i’ve just realized that all of the pictures of skinny, cute, fashionable girls that i used to post REALLY make me self-conscious. there is nothing wrong with being a little chubby wubby, and i need to get myself out of this funk. it has been beautiful and sunny out for about a month now and i have yet to spend a day in the sun all because i think i’m too big to wear a bathing suit. fuck it, there are bigger girls than me out there.

i had the weirdest dream last night. i don’t know how it happened or why, but i found out that i had two kids with someone else before i met james and their father didn’t want them anymore. so i was stoked on life and was ready to take them… james didn’t understand and since they weren’t his kids he didn’t feel the connection and wasn’t too happy. what is going on in my mind? i have the craziest dreams.